The Creation Story of "You"
Introduction
This blogpost introduces some very powerful ideas. If they do not resonate with you please don’t attempt to make yourself believe in them. Instead, if you encounter something which doesn’t feel intuitive, just take a moment and use the opportunity to check in with yourself, using your breath.
This blogpost introduces the Creation Story of “you”: that mental activity and chemical response you’ve identified yourself with. To have at least a little exposure to this Creation Story is essential for understanding and appreciating what is happening presently, both in your personal experience of life, as well as with events in our world, particularly the global experience of, and response to, the Coronavirus pandemic. This blogpost dovetails with the previous post titled “Isolation During The Coronavirus: The Art of Going Within”, as well as the next post titled “Enter The Matrix: Understanding The Nature of Mind”. All three posts as well as others soon to follow are inspired by what I perceive as our need to see more deeply into what is really happening for us energetically and spiritually as, I believe, we are rapidly entering into a new era as a global collective during this time of the Coronavirus. I suggest you read this as you would a fictional story about a character. Without further ado, enjoy reading!
Mind Is Story
You’re natural state of being is as a space traveler. You’re a cosmic Soul tasting the different flavors of creation, trying on the local outfits and mingling with the other space travelers who, like you, dressed up in the local attire in order to have a genuine experience of what it feels like to be a human being. You slipped into a body, a very uncomfortable, strange, dense, clumsy spacesuit fitted to this particular planet’s atmosphere and environment, and viola! You started your travels as a new born on planet earth.
As an infant you entered a new world. You are like a wide open window without any screens. Everything is able to fly into your fragile constitution of mind, body and energy. You’re completely porous and absorbent like a sponge. You are utterly reliant upon the care of others: you can’t verbalize, you can’t walk, you can’t feed yourself, you can’t clean yourself, you certainly can’t keep yourself safe from danger, and you have no model yet (outside of your non-verbal intuition) of what or who poses a threat. In fact, everything here is not only foreign, but resembles the opposite of what you have previously known as reality. In this realm you encounter things called time and space, vision, touch, smell, taste and sound. You encounter strange and exciting energies called fear, sex, anger, sadness, joy and more. You are given a family called an earth family who have certain customs and habits, some of them cultural, some of them individual.
As an infant you begin to pick up on the new energies around you. All of your time and energy is taken up trying to encode and internalize the frequencies your are exposed to in your environment. You’re trying to adapt at a phenomenal rate of speed. Like a computer trying to compute a massive amount of information, all necessary programs which might tax the CPU need to be shut down, which is why you sleep so much. It’s about energy efficiency. Every second your brain is creating new neural pathways and synaptic webs of encoded information. You are birthing an information highway inside your skull, an elaborate system of information channels or conduits (which is what your pathways are) for being able to process information at light speed. You’re growing the most sophisticated fiber optic network inside of your brain to be able to synchronize your on-board model of reality with external reality, so that they appear to be a seamless match. You’re downloading all of the information from your environment energetically to be able to prepare yourself for the type of functioning you will need in order to survive and adapt in your outer world. Your plasticity as a newborn means you are able to achieve in a day what an adult might require a year to do, if they can at all.
You began your adventure from the extremely expanded and unlimited perspective of Soul across all its dimensions and potentials, with the awareness that to come into an earth body would mean a radical contraction of your Soul essence which can only incarnate a small piece of itself into the density of form. Not all of you could fit, not even close.
You were aware that, upon your incarnation, the fullness of your memory would begin to diminish with your first integration with your body while in the womb, as your Soul essence began to crystalize into form throughout the nine month developmental process with you mother. From that point onward the veils of perception would get more and more dense as you entered more fully into your earth character and started to adopt all of the habits and patterns of your earthly indoctrination. Your cosmic connection was never lost but, like counting backward toward unconsciousness while under anesthesia, you started to drift off into the full human identity and away from your Soul memory.
You had a careful preparation for your free-fall into the Earth Realm and the magnetic bond you would make with your developing body inside you’re mothers womb. This wasn’t a free-fall in the physical sense, rather a process of densification, i.e., slowing down, wayyyyyy down, so that your vibratory rate would become a more suitable match for the profoundly sluggish vibrations of earth, where light is trapped inside of form and creates the appearance of a newtonian-like world of gross, causal connection. Your preparation included multiple “briefings” and meetings within your Soul group for how you would each encounter one another in this body-based world of time and space, as well as your team of guides who would oversee your life’s journey (one of literally countless journeys you’ve taken) and who would remain with you from your first breath until your last. You need those who have not forgotten reality, since they have never left it, to be the keepers of memory on your behalf, giving you the intuitions, nudges, thoughts and feelings you require in order to remind you (on deeper levels) of what to do, where to go, what to say and who to encounter. To be on Earth means to mostly forget reality and where you came from, therefore you can’t possibly count upon yourself to recall what your have already gone through the process of forgetting! No. Its all been planned. ALL OF IT. You’re level of participation is simply choosing how you wish to feel about the script you’re living in.
The “You” of Trauma
You’re no longer a newborn but your far from independent. You are becoming aware of your surroundings in new ways, namely you are trying to piece together the linkage between the sound someone makes and the thing someone points to. You are listening with your entire being to decipher the strange clunky sounds being made all around you. You being to recognize through sheer repetition that there is a sort of funny way people have of relating an inside world to an outside world. In other words, that the outside world seems to be telling something about the inside world.
You recognized early on, as you were still adjusting to the energetics and vibrations around you, that the people you’re surrounded by really don’t seem to remember the reality they came from, they seem to be acting in new and strange ways, as if they think this is reality! What’s more, they seem to be acting for the sake of… what’s the word?… survival! What the hell is that!? In that energy everything is contracted, everything is like being squeezed into a small shoe, everything is serious. That’s a new one. You just came from a place where survival wasn’t even a thing. As Soul, what the heck wold you need to survive for?! You’re eternal! The energy of seriousness is a new and shocking revelation. As it begins to sink in more deeply it carries with it frightening implications for what this place is and why you’re here… You begin to have the very first inklings of thought, and you notice that to think is terrifying, it’s how the others around you constructed the ambient, energetic atmosphere, the baseline for this reality—through the energy of seriousness.
For example, just the other day you saw one of your family get yelled at by another member of your family because they did something funny in one part of the big spaceship they call a “house”. Your sister, who took a girl’s body to play in for her temporary costume on the earth, spilled something called liquid onto something else called a carpet. You knew intuitively that since your sister is only three “years” old, that she doesn’t have very good control of her human “fingers” yet. “Accidents” happen. You didn’t know an accident was even a thing. Spilling is spilling. Suddenly you have the realization that spilling is wrong.
You didn’t know anything about the concept of wrong-ness, but by the reaction of your parent you inferred it as part of your database, energetically titled “do’s and don’t”. You realize that when something is spilled it comes with a certain kind of energy which feels small and contracted and injured, called a disapproval, and maybe even a certain kind of action, where one of your parents angrily raises a hand and uses it to slap the body of your sister on her bottom, who screams—not so much from the sensation of pain, but because she is realizing something infinitely more terrifying: she’s not allowed to be herself. Being herself means making mistakes, being herself is the mistake, because apparently she can hurt other people by being herself, which is why, you suppose, she’s being punished. You determine that that’s the lesson her punishment is meant to teach her—that she’s someone who hurts other people by being herself, and that she’s a mistake, which is punishable. If you had known the word “irony”, or “hypocrite”, you would have used it then.
As you witness your sister being punished, you notice that the energy inside of her, and also yourself as you look on, which was large, expanded, spontaneous, creative, enthusiastic, curious, wild and free, now feels stifled, choked, tiny, delicate, and shut down. You never thought of it this way since you may not have been fully verbal yet, but somewhere inside of you, you realize that energies which are BIG and connect you with things outside of your body, are also dangerous because they cause you to make mistakes, make trouble, offend people, or somehow hurt others. Nobody around you approves of your big energies, so you’d better figure out a way to become body-sized, the smaller the better. You also realize that the most important thing you can do from now on is to never, ever make mistakes again. Mistakes will kill you.
In that moment of realization that you can no longer be yourself, the “you” of the mind is born.
The you of mind is the one whose job it is to make sure that the You of Soul, Light, Energy, Spontaneity, Creativity and therefore unpredictability and uncertainty, don’t do anything disruptive. In short, you begin the process of constructing “yourself”, i.e., your personal identity based upon the demands, judgements and beliefs of the world around you, beginning with your family. In truth, you have been in the process of crystallizing this virtual self—this conglomerate of energies which, left unexamined, simply passes as your identity—beginning in the womb as you adapted your nervous system to your mother’s dominant energies of that time. But your “opening night”, so to speak, the time when you would actually enact the drama of your personal self in its relationship to others and the world, begins to happen more concretely in the first moment(s) of your realization that life punishes you for being yourself, and it rewards you for being someone else, someone others want you to be.
It’s a false you, it’s a story of safety and survival, which is another way of saying that in the instant that a thought arose of “you”, designed to self-regulate and protect against the uncertainty of punishment, you also went deeply into the story of your separation, as if you now stood apart from the sustaining, continuous Source of your life—the original You. You lost the memory of your original Self (you didn’t truly lose it, but it has been occluded by energies of anxiety, despair and nervousness). In other words, you perceived, at some level of your being, that you were now suddenly stuck here, that this human form and this human world is what you are and where you came from, and you subconsciously suffered the perceived sense of loss of your connection with your Soul essence. You struggled to make sense of how your entire identity, your whole world, could begin at birth and end at death. It doesn't add up, but the world around you adheres to the story that you are merely a body of you upbringing, experiences and relationships, so you try your best too adapt and play the game set before you.
In the moment of your first thought, in which this sense of “you” is born from the energy of survival, you infer that what you must now do is to constantly police the appropriateness of your behavior and words so that no uncertainty on your part will call the uncertainty of punishment from the world around you. In a nutshell, you adopted the story, on a subconscious level, that you are here to survive. The notion of “you” and the notion of survival, i.e., seriousness, arose simultaneously. In other words, the arising of “you” as this mental activity and nervousness called thought, arose to try to make your reality organized and predictable. You did this innocently, nothing went wrong for this to happen. Rather, you simply noticed that whatever was happening around you or to you wasn’t something you could emotionally or energetically handle without a buffer, a sort of protective mechanism to make it all seem less strange and threatening.
The Unfolding of “You”
Your mind was born from the realization that the only way to truly stay safe is to remove all of the unpredictability from life. At this moment you’re core ego structure began to crystallize (the process had begun long before that, but becomes accelerated during early traumas). Somewhere inside of you, you realize that the external experience of unpredictability seems (you infer) to be connected with punishment, and the only way around the threat of punishment is to make yourself become predictable. You have to get rid of any aspect of unpredictability and uncertainty within yourself. It’s a monumental task, a full-time job! If you’re to be able to succeed in gaining approval, love and safety from others, you need to be able to monitor yourself so that you don’t allow yourself to accidentally speak or behave in a way that could alarm others or call negative attention to yourself. You need your inner voice to perform surveillance on you and keep you in line at all times! You effectively “split” yourself in two: the critic in your mind, watching keenly to make sure you don’t mess up, and the actor on the stage following the critic’s instructions and trying to live up to its impossible standard.
You begin watching everything you do with a self-criticizing narrative, which is designed to keep you from making mistakes and to ensure you will always remain safe, unlike your sister. It’s a brutal game, one you can never win, but you’d rather kill yourself trying to stay safe from what your mind tells you it witnessed than to risk the uncertainty of a random punishment. At least suffering your own criticism is a known quantity.
What’s more, the intensity and energy of your first encounter with punishment and the emotional pain involved, literally captured your attention: it held your attention captive so that you would no longer be focused on the life-giving, life enhancing energies. Instead of continuing to bloom like a flower you began a calculated retreat within yourself. It’s like a prison in time in which you remain stuck. The experience is encoded within your nervous system as a reference point always to be aware of, always to return to in order to compare your current context with the context of the original punishment in order to determine (energetically and subconsciously) whether you are safe in the present moment. Little do you know, but your computing power can no longer go into creating new neural pathways and information highways within your brain, but it is now diverted to survey and monitor your life for any sign of danger or disruption which could bring unwanted pain (emotional, mental or physical). You become so good at this that, even now as I mention it, it may not ring any bells for you. Because you’re always doing it somewhere within yourself, and it’s hard to see the thing which is happening non-stop, which you now overlook.
You’re monitoring yourself constantly and it’s exhausting! This loss of energy, as you allocate more and more of your energy to monitoring your behavior, constitutes the loss of your personal power. You are in a process of giving your power away to the voice in your mind, which is the sense of “you” in relationship to what you perceive as the rest of the world of people and events, attempting to govern your behavior in a way so as to fit in with the collective mould of acceptability and approval. Put bluntly, the arrival of this “you” character, which is just mind and stories, marks the giving away of your personal power and energetic resources. You’re giving your energy away to an idea. It’s not even real! But it told you a convincing story at an age when you were absorbing information like a sponge and had no way to question, or for that matter even recognize, what was happening.
Phew! That’s a brief history of time, to quote Stephen Hawking’s 1988 bestseller! But, you see, it’s not just a pun. You created time for yourself when you split your mind into the one who counts and the one who is counted (the inner critic and the actor). Why is this relevant in terms of the Creation Story of “you”? Good question! I think that’s the perfect place for a cliff-hanger, so stay tuned for the next blog…
To Be Continued…